Dungeon in a Table (DiaT) I: Ebet Necropolis Areas

The Ixian Liberation (Setting Story):

"Ebet of the Hundred Gates, Mistress of the River of Life, City of the Living God, has fallen to the hordes of Ix the Ninth, Ruler of the River of Death from Across the Poison Sea. Where are the heroes who can save this city and its inhabitants? Oh, woe!" -words scrawled on the Lime Wall of the Temple of the Everliving Cat by a nameless Ebeteen oppressor-priest in his own blood.

The PCs are soldiers or mercenaries in the army of Ix the Ninth. The conquest is done. Now it's open season on the thousand years old necropolis of Ebet.

"The charonic reed boats ply the River of Life, crossing from Ebet on the fertile east bank to the imposing limestone bluffs of the desert west bank. The carved visages of the ancient Naga King and the Minotaur Queen flank the Gash of Life and Death, a chasm in the cliffs through which the white steps built of the bones of the Ebetian ancestors lead to the City of the Dead, the Necropolis of Ebet." - Approaching the Necropolis, Holy Pilgrim Shortbook Guide to Ebet and its Fabulous Necropolis, 12th Edition, Year of the Dappled Plover of the Endless Reign of the 32nd Living God Amnesis.

Beyond the Gate of the Endless Circle the necropolis stretches to the west, centuries upon centuries of the death-worshipping dogs' tombs. Gold, precious stones, silks, oils, incenses, parchments, ivories, carvings, armours and weapons consigned to dry decay in this parched desert upland. Scum and vermin eked out their lives here before, the refuse of the slave-owning imperialists' cities. Now they have been joined by the opium peddling Ebeteen priests, their cowardly soldiers and the revolting refugees who would rather continue to resist the Glorious Evolution of Ix than accept the reason and order brought by the Red Army of Liberation.

DiaT Ia-c: Ebet Necropolis Areas, Outdoor Encounters & Terrain

Roll either d100 or d20 as preferred, the d100 roll will generally give a low chance of anything particularly interesting happening or being found and an approximately 20% chance of more interesting finds. The d20 is for when you're just feeling lucky. The table is a work in progress, I will modify this post as I add content.

Roll d100	Roll d20	Area	Outdoor Encounters	Terrain
1	1	Monumental ruin (+50*)	Vengeful shades, ominous poltergeists or grim dust devils	Water features, lush, lillies
2-5	2	Looted tomb (-20tr)	Necroplis scum, long-term dwellers in the necropolis, persecuted by the Ebeteen, gypsies, tricksters and thieves	Dry, cracked earth
6-35	3	Dirty, poor area (-20tr, -10*)	Feral rats, cats, dogs, beetles or other vermin	Scrubby grass
36-75	4	Common tombs (-10tr, -10*)	Desert Scum, come to the Necropolis seeking loot that rightfully belongs to Ix	Broken stones and rubble
76-78	5	The Barracks of Necropolis Maintenance	Ixian soldiers, mercenaries, commissars or overseers	Ashes and burnt buildings
79-81	6	The Temple of the Administrators	Ebeteen priests and their opium addled coteries and guards	Scrawny desert trees
82-84	7	The Ducal Tombs	Ebeteen terrorist fanatics, partisans or cutthroats	Brambles, tangled thorn bushes
85-86	8	The Tombs of the Scribes	Effete refugees, imperialists, scribes or administrators	Salted wasteland
87-88	9	The Princely Tombs	Common Ebeteen refugee trash, children, women or old men	Sand and dust choked
89-90	10	The Catacombs of the Hundred Worthies (€)	Hyenas, desert wolves, vultures, or other scavengers	Lush, maintained grass
91	11	The Tomb of the Saviour General (€)	Unlicensed looters, cannibals, bandits or body snatchers	Paved, stony
92	12	The Tomb of the Glorious Architect	Plague bearers, infected refugees, lepers or other filth	Dried up, dead vegetation, dust
93	13	The Tombs of the Viziers (€)	Lions, sand dragons, thorn crawlers or other predators	Ivy, marble ruins, trees
94	14	The Tomb of the Forgotten King	Necromancers, warlocks, witches or other soul-burned refuse	Rainforest, choking vegetation
95	15	The Temple of the Watching Cat	Worms, leeches, poisonous plants, beetles, grubs or other parasites	Date palms and ponds
96	16	The Tombs of the High Priests (€)	Skeletons, mummies, walkers or other mindless undead	Blood-soaked ground, withering vegetation
97	17	The Temple of the Son	Fakirs, juicers, dreamers and other living dead	Winding paths and plazas
98	18	The Queen's Mortuary Temple	Archaic constructs, golems, clockworks or other never-living abominations	Large dead trees
99	19	The King's Father's Mortuary Temple	Eaters of sorrow, drinkers of pain or other void monstrosities	Thick with gravestones
100	20	Temple of the Dead God (+20tr, €)	False god manifestations, risen false gods and other horrors of the Ebeteen mummified disaster of an afterlife	Lich field strewn with mummies and skeletons given up by the ground

As the 'heroes' wander the quarters (hexes) of the Necropolis, most of it is covered common graves with little treasure (penalties to treasure rolls). Some of the areas contain entrances (€) to the Catacombs where, rumour has it, the richest treasures of the older God Kings are still hidden. Encounters list common creatures, terrain adds some flavour to the area.

DiaT Id-e: Ebet Necropolis Difficulties and Strangenesses

This table presents some difficulties, traps, weird tricks and, well, weirdnesses the righteous Ixian warriors will find in the Ebet Necropolis.

Roll d100	Roll d20	Difficulties	Strangeness
1	1	Death ward on tomb protected by the Dead God	The remains of a giant foot, only the letters OZ can be read
2-5	2	An area cursed by the Ebeteen priests causing blindness, incontinence, hirsuteness, bloody flux or disfiguring boils and toads.	A crucified and manacled headless corpse cradles its head and points to glory (35%) or ruin (65%)
6-35	3	Shattered glass or masonry shards as caltrops	The writing's on the wall, in burnt blood letters 10 feet high.
36-75	4	Loose rubble slips and slides underfoot	The scent of orchids lies heavy in the air, disappearing when danger threatens.
76-78	5	Dust swirls and obscures vision	The water does not reflect and heals any undead immersed in it as a cure light wounds potion each round.
79-81	6	Monuments amplify sounds and echoes	The stone is friable to the touch, crumbling at the breath of the living.
82-84	7	Vile stench of death and burning cause nausea	Blood red mists hang in the air, obscuring visibility and raising tempers.
85-86	8	Fragile masonry columns and arches collapse easily	The laughter of long-dead children echoes among the graves.
87-88	9	Pit traps laid by the terrorist Ebeteen	Creatures slain in this area rise again as cowardly zombies after 1d4 rounds and attempt to flee.
89-90	10	Landslide traps in the ruins laid by terrorists	Wounds in the area simply will not bleed or heal.
91	11	A lair of venomous vermin or hungry flesh-beetles	Dolls. Many, many heretical ceramic dolls.
92	12	A poisoned spike trap laid by some scum or other	A shrine to the demons of lust of the Ebeteen, including a trove of clockwork phalluses.
93	13	Gluttinous mud, pretty much quicksand	An astrolabe that plays ethereal music when the spheres align.
94	14	Surprisingly deep water may drown the unwary	A box of poisoned chocolates that cause rapid tooth decay.
95	15	Weak floor breaks under impact or weight, opening into Catacombs far below	A wall of wondrous glyphs that restore life to a withered limb when lamb's blood is poured on them.
96	16	Cursed ground where the dead wake when trod upon	A magical fountain of waters azure that restores mana or spells.
97	17	A slide, Indiana Jones style, through the ruin	A slab of preservation that draws the juices from a corpse, preserving it for later.
98	18	Level-draining ward on a tomb, clearly marked	A clockwork goblin toy designed to amuse a dead princeling.
99	19	Electro-magnetic field wards with lightning	A rock crystal obelisk that removes the heart of he who touches it, letting them fight to -13hp, but become unable to heal naturally.
100	20	The head of a medusa in a box is a petrifying experience	A skull carved with a map leading to the Sunken Chamber of the Purple Sand Octopus God

DiaT If-h: Ebet Necropolis Treasure Values, Scrolls and Wondrous Things

This table presents the treasure values present in a hex (in approximate % of xp required to level - adjust value to taste), the scrolls column represents spells that could be found, the wondrous things column presents a list of generally useless but beautiful and valuable mortuary goods that may be found.

Roll d100	Roll d20	Treasure Values (% to level)	Scrolls	Wondrous Things
1	1	1d20%	Akaula's Drinking of the Blood of the Dead	An eversinging bird of gold and clockwork.
2-5	2	1d6-1%	Akaula's Control of the Pestilential Vermin	A silver teapot that boils itself and glitters in the sun.
6-35	3	1d4%	Shallit's Staunching of Wounds and Curing of Fatigue	A helm of bronze and crystal and ancient glyphs.
36-75	4	1d8%	Obat's Curing of Wounds	A shimmering armor of blue scales and gilded tassles.
76-78	5	3d10%	Lakhim's Curing of the Diseases of the Body	A cup of clay filled that ever refills with strong, sweet wine.
79-81	6	3d10%	Shallit's Setting of the Bones and Purification of the Teeth	A flute of bone that sets the dead to sleep.
82-84	7	3d10%	Obat's Burning of the Unclean	A lion steed of leather and steel and clockwork.
85-86	8	3d12%	Esbeen's Expulsion of Spirits and Curing of the Soul	A mechanical hand that reproduces whatever is written with a magical pen.
87-88	9	3d12%	Akaula's Pestilential Transformation	A glamorous crown that protects from sun and heat.
89-90	10	3d12%	Uzud's Servant of Sand	An intricate clockwork eye that grants infravision.
91	11	3d20%	Vorhad's Reduction of the Living Curses	A music box that plays the tunes of paradise.
92	12	3d20%	Esbeen's Words With the Dead	An axe of jade and ivory and electrum that destroys the unquiet dead and their nemeses.
93	13	3d20%	Uzud's Servant of Stone	A book of glistening, wet parchment that can be erased and rewritten upon as often as desired.
94	14	3d20%	Akaula's Turning of the Dead	A disembodied preserved hand that can play the strings of a harp.
95	15	3d20%	Lakhim's Restoration of the Petrified Corpse	A pair of silk and silver wings that allow one to glide like a vulture bird.
96	16	3d20%	Esbeen's Animation of the Mummified Dead	A marvelous toolkit of enchanted ivory, steel and stones.
97	17	3d20%	Uzud's Weapon of the Source of Life	A set of painted ceramic tablets of poetry.
98	18	3d20%	Akaula's Destruction of the Dead	A translucent alabaster canopic jar of eternal preservation carved with cats and moons.
99	19	3d20%	Uzud's Exploding Flower of Stone	A shield of stone and gold that is incredibly light to hold.
100	20	5d20%	Esbeen's Recalling of the Lost Soul and Reanimation of the Corpse	A clockwork and ruby necklace that summons imps and tells the time.

DiaT Ii-k: Ebet Necropolis Curses, Diseases and Monstrosities

This table gives three lists of more horrible things to inflict on characters.

Roll d100	Roll d20	Curses	Monstrosities	Diseases
1	1	Blindness	A scarab with gold and lapiz armor and a petrifying bite.	Leprosy, tzaraath, eczema or a mild skin condition.
2-5	2	Deafness	A large rat with emeralds for eyes and dripping fangs.	Rotting pustules, warts or boils.
6-35	3	Dumbness	A huge dog with a tail of stone and spiked steel.	Sunstroke or severe dehydration.
36-75	4	Impotence	A mummy with bones of silver and sinews of red gold.	Lice. The regular or the crotchety kind.
76-78	5	Evercrawling Lice	A sarcophagus with thirteen scarlet giant arachnid legs.	Sand itch, particularly afflicts wearers of metal armors
79-81	6	Delusions of Beautious Colours	A ghoul with the head of a lion and the arms of a minotaur.	Pneumonia or dragonbreath throat
82-84	7	Baldness	An Ebeteen terrorist with a dagger for a tongue and lizard claws.	Visitor gut (diarrhoea) or the bloody flux or dysentery
85-86	8	Castration of the Impudent	A vile heretic priest with the tail of a snake.	Dropsy or fluid buildup
87-88	9	Eversinging Desert Spirits of Sholoth	A desert dweller with no face and an obsidian blade.	Liver, gut or heartworms
89-90	10	Tightening and Drying of the Skin	A corpse of a woman who cannot die and calls all rats her babes and suckles them upon her bony ribcage.	Consumption or tuberculosis
91	11	Rotting of the Teeth	A giant lizard all hollow and filled with gold rings and copper charms.	Withering of the limbs, partial paralysis or meningitis
92	12	Evershivering Cold of the Dusty Grave	The front half of a fair-haired angel with the whole back of his body missing and hollow.	Sandtoad or Fleshbeetle, eggs and larvae
93	13	Withering of the Limbs	A statue with bleeding red eyes that always follow the shortest character in the vicinity	Gangrene or blood poisoning
94	14	Vomiting of Beetles	A headless horseman who whistles through his windpipe and rides a bone horse.	Blindness or deafness or dumbness
95	15	Repeated Passing of the Stones of Contrition	A dwarf with no beard.	Demonic posession, epilepsy or other madness
96	16	Inversion of the Feet	A bull with a human head that stalks the night, offering forgiveness and peace.	Virulent inflammation or high fever
97	17	Kasub's Declaration "Thine Head Shalt Be Up Side Down"	A cat with no fur and a human mouth growing on its belly.	Indigestion or bloody terminal haemorrhage
98	18	Sloughing of the Flesh	A large dead tree that drips blood and flesh from it's drooping grey dead branches.	The Slow Petrification
99	19	The Pillar of Salt Shalt Be Thine Nemesis	A pit filled with the chattering skulls of condemned Ebeteen prisoners condemned to stay chained to this world until their sentence is up.	Dirteating plague
100	20	The Everfollowing Flame of Hell	A giant rough stone pot filled with crawling clattering hands with eyeballs in their palms.	Deathwalker rabies

DiaT Il-n: Ebet Necropolis Armours, Weapons and Potions

This table gives three lists of nice-ish loot the "heroes" may find.

Roll d100	Roll d20	Armours	Weapons	Potions
1	1	Red chainmail of the Cult of Everflowing Life of Ebet	The Eating Flame Unguent of Obat	The Weakening Bile of Clear Vision
2-5	2	Crocodile skin and antler shield	The Alchemical Grenade or Vial of Poison	The Strength of the Divine Battle Frenzy
6-35	3	Light linen and leather armour studded with brass	The Spear or Dagger	Killer of Fatigue
36-75	4	Light chainmail and boiled leather guards	The Bow or Sling	Stopper of Wounds and Healer of Scratches
76-78	5	Ebeteen ringmail with silver tracery	The Sword, straight or curved	The Tremor Inducing Concoction Against Poisons
79-81	6	Heavy banded and scaled armour with lacquered guards	The Axe	Correct Unguent Against Parasites
82-84	7	Heavy brass and clockwork armour with ceramic guards	The Mace	Pungent Sovereign Glue For the Reattachment of Severed Limbs
85-86	8	Light armour of silk and spiderfish leather	The Noble Hafted Axe or Halberd	Glittering Drink of Heat Resistance
87-88	9	Heavy tapered brazen shield of the Solar Guards of Ebet	The Great Sword	Sustaining Drops of Liquid Ambrosia Against Dehydration
89-90	10	Ostrich plumed helm of the Midnight and Midday Watch	The Executioner's Great Axe	Disease Curing Waters Diluted With Seeds Of Soluble Mercury
91	11	Porcelain armour of the Doll Throne Guard	The Snake Priests' Staff	Paste of Tooth Restoration and Hair Strengthening
92	12	Spunwire electrum armour	The Golden Hollow Dagger of Venom	Tonic of Strength or Mind or Dexterity
93	13	Heavy coldsteel chain of heat resistance	The Silver Bow of Burning Pain	Salve of Protection Against Draining
94	14	Glowing green shield of the Oasis Knights Resplendent	The Sword of Severing of the Accursed	Red Wine of Protection Against Sorrow
95	15	A glass and ivory helm of the Clear Mind and Watchful Eye	The Axe of Glorious Decapitation	Accursed Ebeteen Beer of Drunkenness and Villainy
96	16	Glyphed heavy tile and bronze armour	The Heat Wand of Urnumu	Blue Jelly of Vital Restoration
97	17	Sand Octopus leather armour.	The Thundering Rod of Urnumu	Green Jelly of the Virulent Toxic Kiss
98	18	Silver plate armour.	The Searing Staff of Urnumu	Black Lotus Juice of Forgetfulness and Joyous Slumber
99	19	Golden chainmail.	The Gleaming Brazen and Black Iron Maw of Shrapnel and Doom	Kingsblood Potion of Curse Cleansing
100	20	Jewel studded dragonleather armour.	The Polearm of Divine Fire and Cutting of the Dead God	Solution of the Ashes of the Honoured Ancestors Providing Invisibility to the Dead

DiaT Io-q: Ebet Necropolis Tabular Grab Bag: Random Hazards, Crossing the River, Trying to Buy Stuff

This table is a poorly sorted set of almost random stuff dealing with the Necropolis of Ebet and Ransacked Ebet under the Just and Popularly Ordainer Rule of Ix the Ninth.

Roll d100	Roll d20	Hazards	Crossing the River of Life	Is What You Want to Buy Available in Ransacked Ebet?
1	1	Shade Marked - drawing blood will darken the sky and draw hungry ghosts.	The God of Death drowns the handler's reason and he will try to drown all his passengers in a whirlpool	No, and it might be illegal and you may be wanted by the authorities now.
2-5	2	Noxious - disturbing the soil will unleash noxious fumes in the area.	Boat handler is an Ebeteen terrorist and will try to mislead his passengers, increasing Necropolis danger	No, and you attract the attention of some nasty cutpurses.
6-35	3	Flammable - wood and refuse in the area may catch fire.	Boat handler is grumpy and charges a princely 10 silvers a head.	Nope.
36-75	4	Crumbling - buildings, tombs and death pillars may start collapsing.	Boat handler is kindly and charges only 10 silvers a head.	Yes, but it's of shoddy quality or ridiculously expensive.
76-78	5	Dust Bedevilled - raising dust clouds will summon dust devils.	The boat springs a leak and must be bailed constantly to make it across	Yes.
79-81	6	Hungry Waters - blood in the waters will summon Gorks.	A small but valuable item is stolen by the boat handler's innocent looking daughter	Yes.
82-84	7	Rumour Tainted - rumours of gold incite great greed in this area	The boat handler tries to sell his brother's "handsome" wife to buy food.	Yes.
85-86	8	Melancholy - strenuous activity in the area provokes a melancholy miasma	Unless given a tip, the handler will alert Ebeteen cutthroats to the PCs location.	Yes.
87-88	9	Malarial - staying too long weakens the body and poisons the mind	A voluble handler will chat and talk of treasure and offer rumours. All false.	Yes.
89-90	10	Watchful Stones - motion will alert the Watchers of the Dead	The boat is stopped by Ixian inspectors, the PCs must show their Authorization of Reappropriation of Treasures Stolen From the People of the Two Rivers or pay a steep fine.	Yes.
91	11	Vulture Marked - sleeping creatures will attack soul eaters and gold thieves	The handler has a lead on high quality alcohol in an Ebet taphouse ... And high quality wenches to hollow out the any purse.	Yes, a superior version is also available.
92	12	Echoing - any noise in the area will echo and reecho for several minutes	The handler will sell his house out of desperation.	Yes, a superior version is also available.
93	13	Weeping - any loss in the area will provoke inconsolable weeping and anguish	The handler is an Ebeteen nobleman in disguise.	Yes, a superior version is also available.
94	14	Gaze Removing - memorizing or noting down what is seen in the area will turn the eyeballs into water.	The boat is attacked by a riverine Sand Octopus	Yes, a superior version is also available.
95	15	Forgettable - staying too long in this area will begin eating away memories.	The boat stinks of rot and decay, there is an Ixian body in the ballast hold.	Yes, a superior version also available at the same price.
96	16	Great Magnetic Field - clashing metal weapons will activate a great magnetic field which will begin to turn living flesh into steel.	The handler has fine fish to sell, though they may cause a worm infection or the yellow flux.	Yes, a superior version also available at the same price.
97	17	Withering - fast movement or exuberance will activate an ageing and withering curse.	The handler is dead when the opposite bank is reached.	Yes, a superior version also available at the same price.
98	18	Blood Jungle - any blood spilled will bring forth blooming thorn vines and bushes to choke the ground.	The handler jumps overboard in the middle of the current and is swallowed up by the waves.	Yes, a superior version is available for a lower price.
99	19	Hazard of the Beasts - food left in the open will attract the Eater of the Hearts of the Unclean and the Evil.	The handler can take the PCs directly to a Catacomb entrance.	Yes, a superior version is available for a lower price.
100	20	Truth - attempting to pray in this area will result in the vile abominations of the Ebeteen gods revealing themselves to the character and corrupting his mind with lies.	The boat sails through a shimmering veil into the Realm of the Dead, the Ferryman demands a tithe to release the PCs.	Yes, and a friendly stranger offers you a magical version for free, no strings attached.

I will keep adding tables to this ... I mean, we're only up to Q ... there's still r-t, u-w and x-z to go at least.

XII: Petromancer or Geolosage

Fyodor hammered his tempered pick through the ancient stone. When he finally broke through the weathered petrified face of the ancient beast it seemed a dam gave way and a flood of old burnt clay tablets knocked him off his platform and to the sandy ground below. He came to and saw scattered about him the lost magics of the legendary petromancers of Petra, the city in the stones.

Starting spells

1. Soften (Std., Close)     a small area of about 2x2m of earth or rock becomes soft and friable, if it is wet it turns to mud. (+1ß) a larger area of about 10x10m softens.
2. Stoneskin (Std., Touch) (1ß) one living creature's skin becomes hard and resistant as stone, granting DR 5 and resist 5 fire, cold, necrotic and poison. The target also becomes slow. Lasts until the end of the encounter. (+1ß) lasts about half a day.
3. Petrify (Std., Touch) (2ß) vMD, one item or living creature touched turns to stone, items worn do not turn to stone. (+1ß) range increased to long. A petrified creature may make one save per day to turn back to normal.

Later Spells

1. Shapestone (Non-c., Touch) at the caster's touch stone becomes soft and malleable, letting the caster mold and shape it easily. (20 xp)
2. Passwall (Std., Close) (1ß) the caster modifies the structure of a section of stone large enough to admit creatures in single file so that he can pass through it. The stone returns to normal one round after the caster has passed through. (30 xp)
3. Explosive Stone (Std., Touch) the caster increases the pressures inside a fist-sized stone, making it explosive until the end of the encounter. A thrown explosive stone bursts in a close blast, dealing 2d6 damage. (+1ß) cast as minor action, the stone deals 3d6 damage but is more unstable and will self destruct in 1d4 rounds. (15 xp)
4. Earthquake (Non-c., Touch) (1ß), requires explosive stone, the petromancer increases the pressure on a larger scale, over several hours priming an area for an earthquake. It is generally only a gentle tremor (3 on the Richter scale or so), but by involving more cosmic forces it's power can be increased greatly (+1 on the Richter per +1ß). (50 xp)
5. Stone Golem (Non-c., Close) (2ßr), requires shapestone, the caster can craft a stone golem servitor or guardian. (60 xp)

Stone Golem. 40hp, 10 AC, 5 DR, 18 MD, +0 Sav, Slow, +5 slam 1d12+6. Notes: DR 5 to all special attacks. Immune to necrotic and holy. Can also serve tea with great precision.

20 Magical Cauldrons

1.     The Great Cauldron of Life - a massive cauldron of silver and bronze worked with care and craftsmanship to depict stags, lions, fruiting trees, rich fields, scenes of love and care, childbirth and growth, rising suns and moons. Its ancient sides bear a light patina, but smoke and soot does not seem to be able to accumulate upon the cauldron. It is suspended upon an electrum chain hung from three poles, one of ivory, one of ebony and one of gold. To use, it must be filled with water from a holy spring, the seventeen healing herbs of St. Ivraepius and twelve spoonfuls of the red salt of Chaldea. Once this mixture is boiling, a corpse should be put into the cauldron and the Three Hymns of the Triple-Mother Goddess recited. The fire below the cauldron then goes out and the holy soup flash evaporates in a cloud of pungent steam. The corpse inside is returned to life, healed of all its wounds and ills, naked and hairless as a newborn babe.

2.     The Crucible of Essence - a large, jet black crucible of some black magmatic stone studded with tiny sparkling crystals and carved in strange, stomach-churning abstract diagrams. The lid is heavy and carved with similar designs, though the handle is of bronze and a white ivory condenser is sprouts from one side. The crucible can be used, along with the instructions in the Tome of the Soul Stripper to render essential spirits from whatever object is placed within. If an object is simply placed inside, without any magical spells incanted, and the crucible is heated, the object is rendered to a fine, concentrated essential fluid, which may be collected with a golden vessel from the spout of the condenser and used for further spells requiring those material components.

3.     The Alembic of Peppi - a glossy alembic made of woven strands of obsidian and gold, standing on four obsidian legs carv’d to resemble the legs of a bull, a lion, a man and a lizard. This powerful magical container, when heated by hemlock and tawny oak wood mixed with the resin of the senescent pine tree, will transmute and concentrate any alcoholic beverage introduced into it. The effective amount of alcohol contained is effectively increased tenfold, allowing a 50% spirit to become as intoxicating (and flammable!) as though it were a 500% spirit, with no deterioration in taste or flavouring. Myths say that the alembic was discovered by the Archmage Brewer Peppi on his journeys through the membranes between the Old Worlds.

4.     The Pot of Gold - an apparently ordinary little kitchen pot of black iron and with a creaky handle. When this pot is filled with at least twenty pounds of gold a rainbow suddenly shoots up from the pot. Anybody affected by at least a feather fall spell can walk along the rainbow, traversing as much as 20 miles through the sky. Admittedly, the pot generally does not come along for the walk.

5.     Cauldron of Cornucopia - a massive 500 lb cauldron carven and polished entirely out of glimmering green emerald, it is always full of fresh, raw fruit, vegetables, fish and meats. The cauldron can hold a total of 200 lbs of food. Whenever food is removed, it is slowly replenished, at a rate of 1 lb per hour. The food inside the cornucopia never spoils. There are rumours of a red cauldron of cornucopia, which is always full of peeled and pulped tomatoes.

6.     Caldron of Cerridwen - a large, scorched and pitted cauldron worked with bone and plant motiffs. Any freshly dead body placed inside the cauldron together with vinegar and stones struck by lightning will rise from the dead, ready to continue it's battles. However, though these revenants are intelligent and remember who they were, they cannot speak and have no souls. A deceased soul that would be restored to life after its body has been animated by the Caldron must have a separate body prepared for it, for the magic of the Caldron forever prevents the restoration of any soul to the animated body. A caldron revenant does not actually die and has to be fully destroyed by fire or acid to stop it moving.

7.     The Chamberpot of Hychïenos - a chamber pot of translucent alabaster enchanted to sterilize anything placed into it. It neutralizes the smell, sound and taste of any object placed within and dissolves 1 lb of matter into sweet smelling vapours every hour. It can hold up to 10 lb of matter at once.

8.     Cauldron of Invulnerability - a huge cauldron of bronze etched with swirling, chaotic designs. Any creature that bathes in boiling water within this cauldron must make a save vs. death. If it succeeds, the waters do not boil it (and kill it), instead it becomes invulnerable to mundane weapons and attacks for 7d7 days. Just being completely submerged in boiling water, before jumping out, deals 6d6 damage. An inorganic item placed in its boiling waters gains a +10 bonus against attempts to break it.

9.     The Evercold Vessel - a cylindrical cauldron of matte, silvery material that feels vaguely cool and slick to the touch. It contains seven silvery-blue spheres 1 lb in weight each and may hold an additional 60 lb of matter. The temperature within the vessel is adjusted by the spheres. Without spheres, the vessel keeps all contents at 10°C. Each sphere kept in the vessel lowers the temperature by 10°C.

10.  The Steaming Bowl - a simple clay boat coated in slime, that seems perpetually damp. When it’s circumference is stroked thrice, it begins to emit steam. It can be used to broil vegetables or to power a turkish-style sauna.

11.  The Basket of Hands - a basket woven of blood-red thorn bushes and reeds. Any severed hand placed in the basket reanimates when three drops of lavender oil are applied to it. It then follows the orders of the caster like a mage hand. The hand remains animated for 1d6 days, thereafter lavender oil must be applied daily to keep it animated. 1+INT modifier hands can be controlled by the caster.

12.  The Casket of the Skull - any skull or severed head placed within this jewelled casket is preserved from further decay and, if the brain is still relatively intact, reanimated and kept “alive”. Entertainment may have to be provided for the poor bodiless soul in the casket to prevent madness from boredom. The casket comes with a convenient crystal slit, which can be opened giving the occupant a view of the surroundings.

13.  The Pot of Pot - a porcelain bowl decorated with silver and electrum designs. It is always filled with a brownish, odiferous powder. When heated, the pot begins to give off a smoke that induces euphoria, loss of muscle control and occasional nausea. The smoke spreads to fill a fifty foot radius, though wind can disperse it. The smoke naturally disperses five minutes after the pot ceases to be heated, or more slowly in particularly poorly ventilated areas.

14.  The Bowl of Holding - a bowl of bronze wrought with seven nymphs that function as handles and supports. The bowl of holding can contain up to twenty times its volume of liquids or loose material (up to 4,000 pints worth). The bowl weighs 20 lbs plus the weight of whatever it contains. It is particularly popular at symposia and other drinking events.

15.  The Bone Cauldron of Voices - a cauldron made from the skull of a giant. Any organic object that is cooked within it will absorb the voices and sounds in the vicinity and reproduce them when sprinkled with lemon juice. Bones are the most common encoding medium.

16.  The Druids’ Golden Cauldron - a mighty artifact of pure, heavy gold ornamented with symbols of mistletoe, trees, hanged men, moons and stags. When any potion is prepared using this vessel, it doubles in effectiveness and grants a +2 Strength bonus on top of its general effects. Some say the cauldron is pure myth.

17.  The Black Pot of Aberration - a pot that holds about seven gallons, it is plain and black, giving off a chill, unearthly cold. Organic material placed inside is transmuted into an amorphous, mutant spawn-foetus combining the properties of the creatures and vegetables that were cooked within the pot. Fed with blood for a period of not less than thirteen days, the spawn will squirm out of the pot, ready to obey (more or less) the commands of it’s creator and baker.

18.  The Crystal Cauldron of Gasping - a cauldron shaped out of a single block of translucent rosy quartz, etched with depictions of the 121 all-seeing eyes of Omniocchus the Very Awakened. When filled with quicksilver and lightly heated, the shimmering mercury fumes rising from the cauldron create a vision of a far-off place. A skilled telemancer can use the fume-vision to also transport messages, for inorganic materials that do not react with quicksilver may pass through the mercury veil - for example, a clay tablet with a chiselled message may be thrown through. Living creatures passing through the mercury veil are usually killed by mercury poisoning. Caution! The cauldron should be used in a well-ventilated space with little wind and the viewers should have their own air supply to avoid mercury poisoning!

19.  The Copper Cauldron of Power - an unassuming, middling-sized cauldron etched with geometric patterns and sporting a green patina, the cauldron extracts magical essence from sacrificed objects (and the hearts of sacrificed creatures). After the objects or hearts are boiled for seven hours and the sacred chants of Manomnos are repeated 666 times the liquid within begins to glow. At that point wands, rods and staves immersed within the cauldron regain expended charges. The DM should rule how many charges a particular object or sacrifice restores.

20.  The Enamelled Cauldron of Cleansing - a colourful cauldron of cast iron enamelled in bright colours with depictions of ducks and cows. Any garments or items thrown into the cauldron and boiled for not less than ten minutes will emerge dry and spotlessly clean. If herbs are added to the water, the objects emerge smelling politely thereof. Some myths speak of this being the very cauldron in which Morgana boiled the loincloth of Arthur after he had faced the Unclean Knight of the Brown River.

The Best of All Possible Worlds (Setting)

*This is an outline of a setting for a game I will begin running tomorrow. Due to time constraints (work) I needed a setting that was simple, fast and easy to run—while leaving plenty of scope for all kinds of wacky ideas, room for players to drop out for a session or two, etc. I borrowed heavily from Dan Simmons' Illium/Olympos duology—a fantastic bit of science fantasy for those who haven't read it yet. It had already inspired a previous setting, but this time I needed something simpler and more basic, with a harder and faster discontinuity between civilization and wilderness.* -LR, 20.07.2013

#OUTLINE (this may mostly be fairy tales)

In the far off mists of time the Great Ones realised that all was not right with the world and that the Chosen suffered great iniquity therein. Thus they gathered them up, body and soul, and reshaped the world to suit the immortal souls of the Chosen.

Truly, they made the best of all possible worlds for them—a cosmos of possibility bent to the will and wisdom of the Chosen.

Truly, all would have been good.

If the Chosen had been the best of all possible people.

The Chosen rebelled against the Great Ones, and the Great Ones paid them no heed.

The Chosen quarrelled and fought against one another and the Great Ones paid them no heed.

The Chosen travelled through space and time seeking the Great Ones, but they paid them no heed.

And when their travelling ships returned, rats and worms and creeping and crawling things of mere matter returned with them, and the serpent—they thought—thus entered the Best of All Possible Worlds.

The Chosen faded into the world at last, becoming tenuous and thin, wispy things of little consequence, for the world ceased to be for them alone.

Their pillared halls sank into the jungles, their gleaming boulevards strewn by the tides, the mountain fastnesses tumbled into the gorges, their great roads covered by deserts, their gilded statues flaked, peeled and crumbled.

The rats who had travelled back with them crawled out of their holes and beheld the world they had inherited. They beheld and they were men.

#GENERAL GEOGRAPHY (pillar portals! safe havens! wildernesses!)

The best of all possible worlds is a world as many others, but to the men of the world that geography is not a vital constraint, for their world revolves around the Pillars of Choice - mystical pillars of metal built by the Chosen for rapid teleportation from location to location. Any man or woman must merely tap in the two digit code they wish to go to, and they are instantly whisked away there, along with up to their own weight again of matter they are wearing or holding.

Humans live around many of the Hundred Pillars, though some are in cold wastes, others in jungles, yet others in deserts. The greatest of the pillars are Forty-Two - also known as the Ever-Eating Hole - and Ninety-Nine - also known as the Sky-Garden of Heaven.

Within a radius of ten miles from each of the Pillars the Servants of the Chosen, constructs of steel and leather, patrol the land, keeping it safe from marauding beasts and monsters (though not interfering in the lives of men). The Servants generally ignore humans, unless directly threatened by them.

Beyond lies the Wilderness of Forgetting.

Most men say that those who venture beyond the Patrol are mad, bad or worse.

The worst penalty in most human communities is exile beyond the Patrol—a fate of almost certain death.

But there are some peaceable enough madmen who appear ever and again, cajoling the sons and daughters of stout, unimaginative farming folk to wander beyond the Patrol...tempting them with tales of Ruby Mountains and Towers that Stretch Endlessly Into the Sky.

And more.

#HISTORY (it's like the Shire! Hobbitses! Only the rangers are leather-and-steel faceless constructs...)

History is something that rarely happens among these latter-day men, for the world is good. The Patrols hold and wars between Pillar-Settlements are few - for only one traveller can cross a pillar at a time, making their defence a rather easy matter.

Most people are illiterate and view reading and the sciences as something that detracts from important things, like farming, cooking, carousing, eating and having a jolly good bucolic time—with many pies.

Many still speak of the unlucky time two generations ago when Mad King Korùn took five hundred men beyond the patrol to attack Pillar 5 from Pillar 4. All but three of his men perished and brought back horrific tales.

100 Magical Comestibles

I'm pretty sure you all thought this blog had died, eh? Well, the fact of the matter is that I started a new job and I've had an entertaining but very busy two months. C'est la vie. However, more than a month ago I started a mildly collaborative topic that was right up the alley of this blog's title: potions and other consumable magical items. Today I finished off the list, thus get your d100 ready for another century of items to befuddle and bemuse and occasionally kill your PCs.

1. Dire Beaver Lard Ointment - Grants +6 to save vs. Cold for 8 hours or until the next bath.

2. Breath-taking Pungent Restorative Inhalation – Restores 1/4 hit points, non-combat

3. Ointment of the Rancid Yak - Grants +3 to save vs. Cold for a day or until the next bath.

4. Mysfoldo's Miraculous Medicinal Pills - These pills may upset the stomach (-2 to poison resistance for 8 hours), but they cure any disease.

5. Pills of Toadstoolsbane and Ground Gerbil - These pills grant +5 to saves vs. Poison for the next 8 hours or so.

6. Illokar's Receptive Potion - A delightfully refreshing and bubbling beverage of sparkling white liquid. Doubles all healing values for a few hours

7. The Orange Potion - An orange potion. It is cursed and turns the drinker orange, permanently. But it does grant +3 to saves vs. Fire and poison for 8 hours.

8. Potion of Potency - This phallic finely worked glass bottle with crystal stopper contains finely prepared purple worm extract that will make even the oldest codger function like a raging fire hose. Could be valuable.

9. Sphilker's Viviferous Suppository - a suppository of gold-sickle harvested acorns and mistletoe that protects against necrotic damage, granting a +3 to saves vs. necrotic effects and protection from the loss of 1d3 levels.

10. The Green Potion - another 'cursed' potion, turns the drinker's hair into a symbiotic algal mass. On the other hand, it does reduce the drinker's need to take in food and nourishment (apart from water) when exposed to sufficient sunlight.

11. Thorneau's Thaumic Powder - a greyish powder, reputedly from the essence of vampire and the extract of raddish, designed to be inhaled nasally. It supercharges a spell-caster's magically ability, granting +2 caster levels for about an hour. Side-effects may include drowsiness, twitchiness, itchiness, scratching, nausea, blindness, cancer and severe addiction (at DM's discretion).

12. The Good Beer - a celestial beer brand occasionally available on the lower worlds. Known to give visions of the gods and occasionally access to miracles. Also grants a +1 bonus to Strength for a few hours and a -1 penalty to Intelligence for a similar period.

13. The Thirteenth Potion - A small vial of green-and-red swirling liquids. designed to be consumed intravenously, it takes a full round to inject in combat. Whoever injects it becomes a walking maelstrom of misfortune and all nearby creatures tend to suffer inexplicable and horrible accidents (critical fails occur on a 1-3 on a d20). The user himself rolls critical successes on 20 and 13. Effects last about an hour. Withdrawal symptoms include misfortune for the user for another 1d8 hours (critical fail on 1 or 13 on a d20).

14. Albatross oil - water breathing and swimming for 8 hours, but increased wandering monsters and -4 to all saves. (by Courtney Campbell)

15. Sugar of Survival - a nourishing elvish powder made from the white nuts of the Sweeting Palm of the Vindala forests. A pinch of this completely banishes all hunger and restores energy for 24 hours. Overuse may result in starvation and tooth decay (food still has to be eaten at some point!).

16. The Exquisite Essence of Pain - This is a gritty paste that, if administered into a wound, causes the victim to save vs. poison or go through every imaginable form of pain for 3d6 days. Many victims beg for death before this runs its course.

17. Weasel War Dance Oil - Harvested from the scent glands of giant ferrets, this oil is extremely pungent but if it is rubbed behind the ears, a subject gains a bonus of 4 to AC versus all attacks for 1d6 turns thanks to an erratic movement pattern.

18. Hillbilly hobgoblin moonshine - This is a whiskey-like moonshine of questionable provenance, made by degenerate rejects from hobgoblinkind's militant society. For the next 24 hours after this concoction is drunk, the saliva of its drinker becomes a mild contact poison (the drinker is immune) and if they spit on a human or humanoid character, the target must save or be stunned for 2d6 rounds.

19. Scone of Eldritch Might - Baked by cloud giants, these pastries are effectively scones +4. If used to distract a monster they must save (at -4) to avoid stopping to savor the delicious scone. They provide excellent nutrition but no bonuses when eaten, but they are +4 to deliciousness.
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20. The Sharing Weed - a fine tobacco product from the hills of the leprechauns. The smoker must save vs. poison or feel compelled to share his belongings fairly with everyone he sees.
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21. Circle berries. Eat and become confused over who can hear you and who you can hear. Gain telepathy with the last 50 people you talked to. 25% it's one way, you to them, 25% it's one way, them to you, 50% chance it's full telepathy. (by Courtney Campbell)
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22. Chewing Gum of the Damned: causes the chewer to contemplate all the mistakes they've made in their life, this causing 2 weeks of extremely bad attitude, grumpiness, quick temper, and generally antisocial behavior while you work through your self-loathing. (by Brett Slocum)

23. Ranger oil: allows you to track using scent. Also, aroused by animals in heat. (by Courtney Campbell)

24 Tube of Turbidity - a metallic tube filled with a turbid paste that sublimates rapidly in the air, creating a large grey-green cloud of vaguely sweet tasting smoke. The smoke is heavier than air and dissipates withing about half an hour. If quickly applied to wet skin, it grants gaseous form to the recipient for about an hour.

25 Potion of Phlatulence - a savory and very tasty potion, that produces massive flatulence (equivalent in power to a stinking cloud effect) that lasts for about 3 hours.

26 The Blue Potion - this potion causes massive depression and listlessness that lasts for 1d8 days, requiring a save vs. spell to avoid committing suicide once a day. If the drinker survives, he permanently gains 1 point of Wisdom and pale bluish skin.

27 The Golden Potion - a gleaming golden fluid in a crystal bottle stoppered with a ruby. A drinker's soul is immediately transported to an after-life of his choosing and his body is turned into solid gold. If a drinker wishes to resist going to his heavenly abode, he must save vs. death at a -2 penalty. Even then, there is a 10% chance that a finger, ear, toe, nose or other protruding extremity is permanently turned to gold and the drinker permanently loses 1 point of constitution.
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28 The Sleepy Potion - a potion of milky coloured liquid in an alabaster pot that makes the drinker feel drowsy, giving a -1 penalty to all physical activity and a -4 penalty to all magical or intellectual activities. However, it does give a +3 bonus to all dream-related spells and activities.

29 Koffington's Ointment - a brown and pungent ointment that smells vaguely of oregano and durian, which is rubbed on the chest and throat. It provides a +4 bonus to saves vs. smoke, cloud and gas based attacks (e.g. cloudkill) for a few hours. Sadly, it also gives a -3 penalty to all stealth checks against creatures with noses.

30 The Salts of Jolts - a fine, blue powder that jolts the sniffer back into action (can be poured into the nostrils, if the recipient is unconscious). The sniffer is fully awake and alert, gaining 15 temporary hitpoints and a +2 bonus to all athletic and melee combat activities for 1d6 minutes. After that, the temporary hitpoints disappear and the sniffer suffers 1d4 hitpoints of damage. Additionally there is a miniscule 1,7% chance of heart attack when the salts are used.
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31 The dew gathered from mountains - When consumed grants a bonus against fatigue. Addicting. (by Courtney Campbell)

32 Crimson Minotaur - this liquid grants powers of focus and endurance. Bonuses to learning spells. Gam an additional spell slot and 1d4 hit points. After 8 hours, must sleep for 10 hours or double fatigue penalties. (by Courtney Campbell)

33 Snuffle Truffle Paste - an expensive and delicious mushroom derived paste that reduces reason and willpower. It gives a -2 penalty to INT and WIS and a -6 penalty to appraisal attempts for 1d4 hours after eating.

34 The Pink Potion - a sparkling pink potion in a quartz bottle with a heart-shaped ruby stopper. The flask alone is worth several hundred pieces of eight. The potion itself tastes of strawberries and it causes the drinker's skin to permanently thereafter sparkle in sunlight. In full sunlight the sparkling is so bright that it gives an AC bonus of +1 if just the head and arms are visible, a +2 bonus if the entire torso is bare and a +4 bonus if the character is completely nude. The sparkling also applies an equal charisma bonus to diplomacy checks against naive female characters attracted to the drinker's race.

35 The Grey Potion - a flat, dull grey potion that when drunk provides chameleon like abilities on rocky or masonry surfaces, giving a +7 bonus to hiding abilities while not moving. It takes about 1d6 seconds for the drinker's skin to assume a camouflage pattern suited to the rocks surrounding it.

36. The Potion of the First Spring - a sparkling beer-like beverage collected from the ur-spring of ancient Ur. It grants protean abilities to the drinker. 50% it permanently polymorphs the drinker into another humanoid race of choice. 25% it grants the drinker a permanent additional limb or sensory organ. 20% it permanently polymorphs the drinker into an ape, lowering intelligence and charisma by 4, increasing strength, dexterity and constitution by 2 each. 5% it permanently turns the drinker into a physical paragon of his race, increasing str or dex or con (determine randomly) to the maximum starting value.

37. The Digested Coffee of the Celestial Civet - a sparkling, refreshing coffee that lets the drinker memorize double his normal allotment of spells for a day. For a day after that, massive headaches and nausea prevent spell-casting. Highly delicious and addictive.

38. The Pastry of Power - a dull, dry pastry that can only be consumed with copious amounts of milk. Upon consuming it, gain 1d6 temporary hit points and the ability to carry double your normal load for 2d6 hours.

39. The Black Potion - a massively powerful potion of clairvoyance that lets the drinker see exactly every living creature exactly as they will look one hour after death, with full insight into the cause of death. May cause madness. Effects last for 1d30 days, a save vs. death to prevent madness must be rolled every midnight after drinking the potion.

40. Flatbread of Flatness - a flatbread stored in a minimalist package with cryptic, barely readable writing on it. Consuming the flatbread makes the eater two-dimensional for two hours. While two-dimensional, he effectively moves around like a shadow, skimming across surfaces. Interaction with the 3d world is nigh on impossible, however even gusts of wind can be used to fly like a kite. Beware of territorial birds.

41. Lesser Pill of Growth - a magical pill of yellow with blue spots, should be drunk with wine or mead. Over the next 1d6 minutes the consumer of the pill grows to double his former size, increasing Str and Con by 4 and reducing Dex by 4. Any clothes or armor or equipment worn do not increase in size. Ordinary clothes cause 1d2 hp damage as they burst, light armours like leather or hide cause 1d4 hp damage, medium armours like chainmail cause 2d6 hp damage, heavy armours like full plate cause 5d6 hp damage. If a full helmet is worn, the consumer of the pill must save vs. petrification or die as the metal helm crushes his expanding skull. There is a 2% chance that the pill effects are permanent.

42. The Other Pill to Make You Small - this gummy-bear shaped pill reduces the character to the size of a human child or a halfling. The character loses 2 str and gains 2 dex. Additionally, clothes or equipment do not resize. The effects last for 1d8 hours, when they wear off there is a tingling sensation and in the following 1d6 minutes the character returns to full size. See the lesser pill of growth for potential harmful effects of clothing. There is a 3% chance that the effects are permanent.

43. The Pill of Painful Gain - a bitter pill to swallow, requiring a save vs. spell to actually ingest. After eating the pill of painful gain the character gains experience for every hitpoint lost for the next 1d6 hours, each lost hitpoint granting 1d10 thousandths of the xp required for the next level. If the character actually dies while under the influence of the pill, he immediately gains 20% of the xp required to level up. Of course, he is still dead.

44. The Ash of the Afterlife - bitter, burning ash in a lacquered ebon box, when inhaled nasally it first overloads all the sensory synapses of the character for 1d4 rounds, rendering him blind and deaf. After that the character is effectively protected from death for the next 1d10 minutes. The character still takes damage but simply does not bleed and can go as far into negative hitpoints as he likes - however, lost limbs still impede the character (though the severed members continue to move and twitch). At the end of the effects the character has to be healed to a positive value or he dies. There is a three round window after the end of the immunity when healing must be administered. During that period, if the character is at negative hitpoints a single hp of damage will kill him.

45. Bowl of Bohemian Blood - a bowl of absinthe laced blood of the demigod Bohemius, god of revels and intellectual pursuits. Drinking it will reduce Dex and Wis by 3, but increase Int by 1 and Cha by 4 for 2d4 hours. There is a 10% chance of addiction.

46. Dust of Heat - a yellowish powder, can be used as a spice. Consumed in larger quantities, it sets the eater on fire. The effects last for 3d6 turns. While on fire, the eater takes 1 point of fire damage every turn and deals 1d6 fire damage to every adjacent creature. All clothes or gear that are susceptible to fire may also be damaged.

47. Ointment of Ants - a reddish, grainy ointment. When it is rubbed into the skin, the grains birth forth a myriad of tiny crawling ants that cover the body. The ants do not harm the user of the ointment, indeed they attack anyone who threatens or touches the user. Anybody touching the user takes 1d6 damage from the ants and suffers a -2 penalty to attacks for 1d6 rounds (cumulative) as the ants crawl over him, biting and stinging. There are enough ants for 10 such responses. The user can also direct the ants to attack a nearby target en masse, dealing up to 10d6 points of damage and applying an up to -10 penalty to attacks for 1d6 rounds. The ants continue to cover the user's body for 8 hours, after which they slowly disperse over 10 minutes (or less, depending on uses). There is a 5% chance each hour that the ants turn on the user, attacking him. Fire destroys the ants, smoke chases them away. If the user jumps into water, the ants swim away and may attack nearby creatures, when they exit the water.

48. The Forgotten Potion - once you drink this potion you will forget that you have drunk it and the potion bottle will magically refill. There is a 50% chance the potion grants a +1 bonus to all rolls for 1 minute and a 50% chance it grants a -1 penalty to all rolls for 1 minute instead.

49. The Seed of the Black Berry - usually placed in a thick syrup in the stoppered skulls of decapitated wights, the juice of the black begonia requires the drinker to make a save vs. death. On failure, the black begonia sprouts inside the body, causing immense pain for 1d6+6 days (-4 to all rolls during this period), whereupon a vine sprouts from a bodily orifice (80%, causing 1d6 hp damage) or right through the abdomen (18%, causing 4d6 hp damage) or, rarely, from an eye socket (2%, causing 2d6 hp damage and loss of one eye). Upon the vine a berry ripens over 2 days. Over this same period the host loses 2 levels worth of xp. Whoever eats the berry gains half the xp required to reach the next level (i.e. if 1000xp total are required to go from level 1 to 2, he gains 500xp). Removing the berry before it ripens means the host loses 1 level of xp and then has to save vs. death or die.

50. The Magnificent Modelling Mud of Milandro - a medicinal mud that, when spread on the skin, rejuvenates and revives. It adds 5 years to the character's maximum life span and reduces his apparent age by 10 years to a minimum of 18.

51. Sharkhog Soup - soup made from the fins of the sharkhog, it tastes mildly of pork and shark and immensely improves the smelling ability of the eater (a +5 bonus in relevant circumstances) and extends the length of orgasms to 3d6+12 minutes. It is quite popular and sharkhogs are rare due to demand. Some fear they may even be going extinct.

52. Cream of Clutching - a magical cream that extends and strengthens the fingers of whoever rubs it into their hands. They gain a permanent +2 bonus to climbing, strangling and playing the piano. However, people may comment about the freakishly long fingers.

53. Liver Lave - a soap made from the lard of a lycanthrope butchered by the light of the blue moon, the liver lave fully restores all liver functions, cures alcoholism and provides a permanent +1 bonus to saves vs. poison.

54. Meat of the Muse - when one of the immortal muses was slain and dismembered by the hero Amphoriochus, her flesh was gathered up, spiced, dried and preserved by the mage Maftufnet. He would consume the flesh when he sought inspiration. The flesh increases intelligence and charisma by 2 for seventeen hours. Additionally there is a 10% chance of debilitating clairvoyant visions of far-off places and times once every hour. A save vs. spell allows the eater to control the visions and choose what to see.

55. Salt of Silence - a savoury salt from the sea of stilled sighs, it increases the flavour of food immensely. However, it magically stills the voice of whoever eats it for 6d66 minutes (or 1d6+1 hours, whichever the dm prefers).

56. Oil of the Wrestler - oil extracted from the dead fat of the master wrestler Phidoccocus stored in an earthenware jar depicting octopuses and pigs. The oil makes whoever uses it slippery, granting a +2 AC bonus against unarmed attacks for 8 hours or until the next bath.

57. Balm of Boils - this soothing balm restores 2d10 hp over 1d4 minutes, but covers the skin in boils. The boils are painless, but apply a -2 penalty to charisma on each application.

58. Canned Air of Canophis - the purest of pure airs bottled at the air-springs of Canophis, a single gulp of this air, sucked through a straw, provides enough oxygen to survive without breathable air for 2d6+8 minutes.
59. Jelly of the Alan Hordes - made from the stewed bones of giants, this jelly provides immunity to thrown rocks and blunt weapons for 2 hours.

60. Tincture of Brightness - three drops of this tincture on the tongue will cause bright light to flare forth from the user’s orifices, sufficient to see in pitch darkness to a distance of 30 feet. Lasts 30 minutes. Four drops and the effect lasts 3 days. Five drops and the effect lasts 3 years. Six drops or more within a 24 hour period and the user explodes in a burst of light, dealing 1d10 radiant damage to all nearby. It is surmised that the user becomes a being of pure light at that point and rapidly departs the boring old material world at that point.

61. Soup of Somnolence - a tasty soup that puts the eater to sleep for 8 hours. After sleeping it all off, the eater reawakens refreshed and in possession of 1d10 temporary hit points.

62. Tart of Torture - a gristle-filled, revolting and rancid tart that completely removes the ability to feel pain for 6 hours. The character can function normally until he hits -10 hit points, whereupon he is - as is of course tradition - dead as a doornail.

63. Refined Wereowlbear Oil - do not ask how it was procured. In any case, this essentially beneficial oil provides superior night vision, superior smell, a tendency to howl at the moon and a proclivity to grow fur and feathers, providing superior insulation. All effects last approximately two weeks.

64. Blood of Stones - squeezed from the sentient stones of Saint Ouboel, this blood provides resistance to fatigue and blisters. One drop of it allows the drinker to walk or run without fatigue for 12 hours. There is a 5% chance of developing dermoliths after each drop. Every three dermoliths provide a +1 AC and -1 Dex. A character’s 13th dermolith turns him into a stone golem.

65. Ground Essence of Killing Swords - made from the repeated grinding, sifting and mystical refining of the metal of swords that have slain sentient creatures, this dust is inhaled through the nostrils. For 2d6 hours it provides a +2 bonus to all attacks with swords, a 20% chance of persistent nosebleeds, a 10% chance of addiction and a 5% chance of contracting a wracking lung disease that imposes a permanent -1 constitution penalty.

66. Daemon Dog Delights - a more potent variant of the scooby snack, it gives a slight euphoric high, boosts courage (providing an immunity to fear) and causes violet smoke to occasionally rise from the eater’s ears.

67. Ghost Potion - the ghost of a sentient potion sometimes lingers in an otherwise empty bottle. The drinker is turned into a shade and can interact normally with incorporeal objects, while corporeal ones become insubstantial and wispy. The effects last 30 minutes.

68. Sentient Potion - sentience distilled into a bottle, the drinker has to roll a save vs. death magic or his body is taken over by the sentience in the potion. If he survives, he permanently gains 1 point of Wisdom from absorbing the life experiences of the distilled spirit.

69. Distilled Spirits - finely distilled spirits may be either chaotic or lawful, depending on the intent of the brewer. Imbibing spirits of the correct alignment permanently increases Intelligence and Wisdom by 1 point and provides a +3 constitution bonus for 24 hours. The opposite effect occurs should there be an alignment mismatch. There is a 13% chance of the drinker contracting a virulent and belligerent weltschmerz and deciding to become a hermit or other lonely seeker after wisdom, abandoning the adventuring life.

70. Soldier’s Solace - a mesmerizing and vivacious ectoplasmic gel in a bottle, when consumed it transports the eater’s mind into a dreamy and debauched realm of rest and relaxation. The eater falls catatonic for one hour, awakening drained (fatigued) but refreshed (fully healed, cleared of poisons and curses). The fatigue requires a full day’s rest to completely disappear.

71. The Connecting Cream - a mildly tingling red cream that over 1d4 rounds melds an object into the flesh it has been applied to, for example embedding a ring permanently in a finger or attaching a sword to the stump of an arm. Warning: also permanently bonds bodies or hands together, leading to cases of siamese adventurers and clerics with permanently clasped hands. Use only rock crystal spoons to apply the connecting cream.

72. Bread of the Burrower - made from the dried gristle of purple worms, this bread turns the eater into a worm-like creature that can burrow rapidly through earth and stone. The transformation takes 1d6 rounds and the effects last for 6 hours or until the eater is sprinkled with aqua vitae (concentrated alcohol).

73. Essence of Spear - crafted from the filings of the demigod Mutilles’ spear, mixed with aqua vitae by the light of the Seventh Sun, the essence of spear provides immunity to piercing attacks for 1d6+1 hours. There is a 13% chance that one heel is still vulnerable to attack.

74. Sweet Potion of Submission - a sparkling, sugary potion in a leather-wrapped flask. The sweet potion of submission induces feelings of lassitude and slight euphoria, as well as imposing a -4 penalty to saves vs. mind-affecting spells and effects for 10 hours.

75. Hand of God - the hand of a godling preserved in divine jelly. A single bite of the divine flesh heals all wounds and provides a +2 bonus to AC for a day. Two bites provide an additional +6 bonus to attack, damage and saves that lasts for 6 hours, but after follows a deep depression and listlessness that applies a -3 penalty to attack, damage, saves and AC for the next 6 hours. Three bites in a single day summon a gaggle of demons who try to bear the deophage bodily to the fourteen hells for eternal torture.

76. Water of Creation - a pure, sparkly liquid, when drunk it manifests the character’s subconscious. As a rule of thumb, if the character is unaware of the effect, the following should happen based on the character’s wisdom: 3-6: a horrible, out-of control daemon manifests in the vicinity and attacks the character, 7-9: a vicious dire beast manifests and attacks the character, 10: a cat appears—cats are always popular, 11-13: a celestial servant appears that can perform minor helpful tasks, 14-15: a celestial warrior appears that fights for the character, 16-17: a helpful angel appears, 18+: a genie appears that grants one wish. If the character is aware, he can save vs. rod to try and control his subconscious, manifesting an effect as per a limited wish. The manifested creature generally disappears after 1d6 hours.

77. Grey Blood - a nanite dust that is mixed with the blood of a virgin and injected with a syringe. In the body it purges all poisons, cures vampirism and lycanthropy, grants regeneration 3hp/round for 3 days and turns the character’s skin and hair a grayish hue. There is a 10% chance the colour change is permanent.

78. Balm of the Budding Shoot - applied to the body, it regrows lost limbs or increases the size and strength of existing ones. Effects are permanent. Applied correctly (save vs. spell), it can permanently increase Str or Charisma by +1 (depending on limbs). Incorrect application may result (35%) in misshapen appendages that impose a -2 penalty to Charisma. It is highly sought after by rich, older men and young, flat-chested ladies of good breeding.

79. Ironbone Potion - a dark, heavy potion, similar to liquid mercury. It permanently turns bones to iron, increasing resistance to critical strikes (x2 criticals become x1, x3 become x2, etc.) and makes bones almost unbreakable. On the down side, it reduces movement rate and applies a -4 penalty to swimming and climbing.

80. Raptorous Potion - a potion made from the thaumic glands of seven pygmy dire dragons of the Shawmshae Isles. A bottle contains 1d6+6 swigs. A single swig gives a single acid breath attack (like a black dragon) with a range of 30 feet that deals character level times d6 damage. If the breath attack is not expelled within five minutes, it deals half that damage to the character’s gastric system instead and requires a save vs. death or the character’s intestines are ruined, leading to blood poisoning and death within 2d3 days unless magical regeneration is procured. If more than 5 swigs are ingested in a day, the character’s skin begins to transform into black draconian scale and the head becomes more and more reptilian. If 10 swigs are ingested in a day, the character grows vestigial wings and membranes, becomes very reptilian and gets a permanent daily acid breath attack that deals half the character’s level times d6 damage.

81. Eggs of the Oekariyai - the eggs of the parasitic magic-eating worms of the Oelsthic waste may be ingested to acquire a symbiotic helper. One egg provides a permanent +1 bonus to all saves vs. magic, however for each symbiote the character must consume 50% more food and drink each day. If five eggs are eaten, the symbiotes displace many of the character’s internal organs and from then on the character must ingest a magical item, preferably ground down and cooked in a pudding, or lose a fifth of his total hit points each day.

82. Shredded Soup of the Book - a soup made from shreds of the Book of True names and stored in an everhot flask heated by a small captured elemental. Drinking a swig of the soup reveals the true name of a creature in the vicinity. All spells cast against that creature, while invoking its true name, receive a +3 bonus to all rolls. Downing the entire soup requires a save vs. wands to avoid going insane for 1d6 days (roll 1d6: 1 hallucinations, 2 voices, 3 paranoia, 4 catatonia, 5 megalomania, 6 depression), thereafter the drinker can draw the true name of three people he can see from the air itself for the next three days. The true name bonus is permanent.

83. Leg of the Leaping Laelaps - a charred haunch of a dog of the wild hunt, preserved in dire boar lard and seasoned with wild berries. Eating the haunch grants speed and strength when chasing, granting a +6 bonus to opposed chase checks for 12 hours or until the next time the character has to defacate, whichever comes later.

84. Boiled Worms of Wisdom - the Worm Shal-Naryathlu hid the wisdom of the fourteen hundred holy sayings in its many-numbered coils. Slain by the hero Chiako Thaik-Rou, it’s body dispersed into myriad small worms that hid in the whispering bog. Gathered, boiled, seasoned and dried in the light of the inner sun, they are prized by shamans and summoners. Eating one of the worms grants a +2 bonus when communing with spirits or summoning the dead, as well as all spells dealing with the spirit realm.

85. The Lime Potion - a bright lime-colored potion; when drunk, it turns the drinker bright red and inebriates him greatly. After the inebriation wears off, the red coloration remains, but the character also gains infravision with a range of 60 feet.

86. Jellied Illithid Brain - sold in small sugared lumps, jellied illithid brain is prized by psionicists and mentalists, for it strengthens mental energy and gives a +4 bonus to all mind-affecting spells for 4d4 hours. After the effect wears off, the character is sorely fatigued for at least thrice three hours. There is a 15% chance of addiction, which can lead to a very expensive habit.

87. Eye of Newt Potion - a thick, syrupy liquid full of small newt eyes, it is used as a fertility potion, increasing the chance of conception during the next intercourse (if within 3 hours) to 75%. If the next intercourse involves only males, the chance of conception is the same, however, the final results may be complicated. For more general purposes, drinking an eye of newt provides a +1 bonus to AC for 3 hours.

88. The White Potion - a concentrated form of milk, the white potion also knits broken bones and regenerates lost or rotted teeth. It has no other effects. Prized by dentomancers.

89. Aqua Imperialis - a potent corrosive potion, used for dissolving metals, can be used to destroy locks and trap mechanisms. Actually ingesting it is probably not a good idea. It is pale yellow and odourless.

90. Lightning Snuff - a mild electric charge surrounds this reddish spider. When inhaled it super-charges a character, causing hair to stand on end. The next object or creature touched receives a massive electric shock dealing 9d6 points of electrical damage and having a 50% chance to set on fire. If inhaled in water, the effect is a ball of lightning with an area of effect of 50 feet. The damage is also dealt to the inhaler in that case.

91. Elven Beer - fortified elven beer is used in midsummer fertility rituals by the elves and causes leaves and vines to grow from the drinker’s head. Over ten minutes the vines entangle with surrounding foliage, allowing the character to commune with plants and trees in the area, gain insight into what has happened over the past year and generally feel good and virtuous. The character remains entangled for a full hour. If drunk by dwarves, it makes them mildly intoxicated, but has no other effects.

92. Dwarven War Bread - this hard bread is often used as a missile weapon of last resort, in which case it is treated as a heavy throwing stone, dealing 1d6 hp of damage. The bread is usually grated with a hardened steel grater, it generally takes 5 minutes to grate 1 portion. After grating dwarven war bread loses its potency within 1 minute. A single portion of dwarven bread will protect the eater from sobriety, grant an additional saving throw against weakness and necrotic effects and restore 1d6 hp. An ordinary dwarven war bread loaf has 10d10 portions left. A fresh loaf starts with 101 portions. 15% of dwarven war breads conceal a magical gold coin in their cores.

93. Fried Bat Ear Chips - treated with the treacle of trueness, a handful of bat ear chips will increase hearing acuity tenfold and provide the eater with echolocation for 5 hours or one night, whichever ends later.

94. Oil of Fungus - this oil contains the suspended spores of a virulent fungus that spreads across the body in a matter of days (generally 1d4), shielding it from all microbes, viruses and other fungi. While covered in the fungus, the user is completely immune to all diseases. The fungus also cures all skin diseases. Unfortunately, while covered in the fungus, the character is also fuzzy and white. Removing the oil of fungus requires a fifteen hour salt bath or a remove disease spell. When used by gnomes there is a 3% chance of the oil of fungus turning the gnome into a fungal zombie.

95. The Rainbow Potion - this bright, rainbow coloured liquid serves to change the sexual orientation of the drinker. After drinking the potion, the drinker is only attracted to unicorns. Permanently.

96. Refined Moonlight Cakes - if eaten during the day, these cakes cause permanent blindness. When eaten at night, they reduce hitpoint maximums by half until sunrise, but they grant the character the ability to walk on moonbeams for the duration.

97. Dragon Eggnog - made from the eggs of real dragons, this beverage is considered something of a panacea. It also grants the drinker 50% spell resistance for the next 6 hours. It’s generally awesome. The major drawback is that there are interested parties working hard to stamp out dragon egg and eggnog smugglers and consumers.

98. Ninja Pills - translucent, gel capsules filled with black motes, these pills are created from ground celestial ninja hair, capturing their essential ninjaness. When consumed, the character is invisible and soundless. However, the character is so invisible and soundless that he also cannot actually interact with anything physical. The effects last for 1d100 hours.

99. Salted Demon Tongue - the salted tongue of a mighty demon, usually pickled in brine with cucumbers, shallots, pepper and a caper, is said to give the gift of tongues (speak any languages) as well as great persuasiveness when the topic is seduction (+7 to checks). There is a small chance (33%) that the eater’s alignment will shift towards chaotic.

100. Distilled Divine Dew - made from the distilled sweat of the forge god Vanadiastos himself, distilled divine dew is usually added by drops to a liquid to be consumed. All effects last 12 hours. Even a single drop renders up to a cubic league of water pure and fit for consumption. A single drop consumed grants a protection from chaos effect for 12. Two drops consumed grant clairvoyance and slight headaches, which impose a -1 penalty to all combat and spell-casting. Three drops consumed grant the ability to teleport without error, massive headaches and nosebleeds which impose a -3 penalty and a chance to randomly speak in tongues (10% chance in any encounter). Four drops grant the ability to be in up to three places at once, as well as double vision and hallucinations, imposing a -5 penalty to all actions and a 30% chance of casting random spells in any encounter. Five drops disperse the drinker throughout the universe, giving a 20% chance of attaining enlightenment and an 80% chance of being lost in limbo forever.

101. Chemical X - a black liquid in a glass vase. Does nothing, but looks creepy.